Counseling & the Heart
The events that drive an individual to seek counseling are never enjoyable. In fact they are often some of the most difficult and painful situations that a person has ever faced. The event could be the loss of a wife through sudden death, or the loss of a marriage through a husband's infidelity. It could be the overwhelming fear and anxiety that leads to paranoia and reclusivity, or the dark and hopeless thoughts that makes suicide seem like a valid escape from the pains of life. It could also be the pain of seeing an adult child walk in seasons of sin, or seeing the devastation and chaos our own sins have brought on those we love. In all of these situations the pain can be overwhelming, and we can be unsure where to even start. Counseling can be a great starting point for us to begin the journey forward regardless of if our suffering is the result of our own sin, the sin of others, or the effects of living in a fallen world.
In biblical counseling we seek to address these situations not only with practical tools and techniques for alleviating the pain and suffering that others are facing, but more importantly desire to address that heart at the core of the individual. What we may think of as the core issue that needs to be addressed (outburst of anger, crippling anxiety, sexual addiction, etc.) is only the fruit of a heart that still needs to be transformed through the Holy Spirit’s work (2 Cor 3:18). Jesus himself makes the connection between our actions and our hearts (Luke 6:43-45). The difficult thing is that this side of glorification we are often a combination of bad fruit and good fruit. We may exude patience and peace with our coworkers, but then struggle to not lose our temper when we realize our child has been playing video games rather than writing a book report for school when it is 10:00 PM on a Wednesday night before their Thursday due date. Scripture shows us the final solution is not anger management techniques alone, but a heart transplant.
One of the most memorable tools I have found to help illustrate this truth to counselees and friends alike is often referred to as the “Three Trees.”1 The imagery of our lives being like trees is found in multiple places throughout Scripture (Ps 1; Jer 17:5-10; Luke 6:43-45). In Jeremiah 17:5-10 we see that trusting in our own strength and worldly wisdom will lead to our lives being as “shrubs in the desert” (Jer. 17:6). When difficulty and times of trial come (and trials will come for us all - Job 14:1), the shrub is not able to withstand the day of drought. It seeks to avoid rather than have a difficult conversation. It numbs the pain of job loss with distractions of entertainment. Contrary to the shrub in the desert though is the tree that is planted by the streams of life giving water (Jer 17:7-8) which does not wither in times of drought or difficulty. Not only does this tree stay strong in these seasons of difficulty, but it continues to bear good fruit! Have you ever been around someone who in the midst of being mistreated by a family member continues to exude faithfulness and self-control? Their actions seem supernatural in the midst of the storm because they are. Fruit, both good and bad, is always the result of our hearts, and this Christlike fruit is only possible through the heart transformation that comes through the supernatural work of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-25).
Now comes the difficult part. What about that bad fruit that we wish was not there anymore? What about the road rage that seems to happen every Friday afternoon at 5:10? Jesus says that fruit is also the result of what is already inside our hearts (Luke 6:43-45). So that incident of road rage is not ultimately solved by never driving during rush hour again or through the implementation of breathing techniques alone, but in addressing the root of anger. This root may be selfishness which personalizes a lane change that was likely an honest mistake by a distracted driver. In this example, Scripture has much to say about this heart issue of selfishness and putting off this aspect of the old man (James 4:1-10).
As we fight sin by putting off the old man and putting on the new we will uncover new blindspots in our hearts that need the illuminating light of Scripture. As the Scripture is applied and our hearts are transformed, we will see not only the bad fruit fade but its replacement by new good fruit. Rather than losing our cool on our child who has asked the same question for the twelfth time this road trip, we look at this moment as an opportunity to demonstrate patience and self-control that we pray they develop as well. This heart transformation is often much slower and more painful than we desire. The transformation does not typically occur in a moment by the memorization of a verse of Scripture, but through the long process of putting to death the deeds of the flesh. “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live” (Rom 8:13).
1 This model and image was developed by biblical counselors David Powlison and Paul Tripp. For a more complete development of this model read How People Change by Timothy S Lane and Paul David Tripp.